Whoopsy Daisies

Four years ago, I went through an ill-advised Western shirts phase. I'm not proud of it. Like many follies, it seemed like a good idea at the time. There’re hundreds of pictures online of my looking like a numbnuts, so I’ll save you the keystrokes. At least I was "feeling it," right?

One of the most important lessons the Al Stone project’s taught me is looking stupid’s ok, because looking stupid means you’re taking chances, and taking chances means you’re growing, and growth means you’ll just look stupid in a more elevated way, which is a bottomless treasure trove of gloriousness and nourishment.

As artists, we want our work to be taken seriously. We adjust the lighting just-so, wear just the right thing in just the right way, plot and plan until the proverbial cows come home. And that's fine, up to a point. I find inordinate comfort in realizing my life isn't "if A, then B, then C," but rather, "if A, then HOLY SHIT IT’S ALL FOR NOTHING WHY ME WHY THEM WHY ANYTHING EVER IN THE WORLD."

Better, I think, to try stuff, develop a thick skin, and learn as you go. 

Remembering Demba

Demba Nabe and I are two very different people. Demba, for example, is an uninhibited conduit of celestial energy and conversant in rabbinical mystic teachings, whereas I look like a guy who irons his underwear. But what’s the overused movie quote? “We’re not so different, you and I.” Demba’s probably not so nimble with Larry Bird trivia, but we shared some neat moments.

The Al band’s a few shows deep in our 2013 run with Seeed. I step out of their nightly post-show dressing room rave for some fresh air, sit along the loading dock and watch our tireless road crew load up semi truck after semi truck - I still marvel at what goes into making an arena show happen. I feel a tap on my shoulder, and Demba’s there, offering a joint the size of my arm, which I decline. Eying me suspiciously, he reaches into his Harem pants pocket, producing a lukewarm beer, which I accept. Demba puffs away exuberantly, I sip my beer, and we sit in silence for a while. It’s a beautiful thing, being able to sit with someone without saying a word.

Demba puts a hand on my shoulder. “I like your playing,” he says. “You have something inside of you that’s trying to get out. Let it.” He offers me his arm-sized joint one more time - sensing and finding amusing my Britishy preference to severe my own hand rather than offend anyone, ever - and literally moonwalks back inside the arena, hands weaving in and out of ganja smoke. 

I’m still processing that he’s gone. Demba was the genuine article, a beautiful maniac in every way. I’m lucky to have known him.

RIP, Demba

Yesterday, Demba Nabe, co-lead singer of German dancehall/reggae band Seeed, passed away. 

Seeed is a beautiful band, miraculous even - a multi-cultural, eleven piece dancehall/reggae group from Berlin who sell out stadiums. If ever there’s an embodiment of the current artistic renaissance and inclusive spirit in Germany, it’s Seeed. In 2013, we opened for them for about two weeks, playing packed arenas, getting our asses handed to us in ping-pong, exuberantly dancing along with trance jams during nightly post-show dressing room raves. Everyone was patient, inclusive, and entertained by our inadvertent American-ness. 

Demba was the most enigmatic of the bunch, quietly standing in a corner one minute, the next six inches from your face, regaling you, in immaculate, rapid-fire English, with anecdotes from his years spent homeless in Toyko. He was a savant, alarmingly articulate in arcane subjects, his gentle charisma perfectly complimenting fellow lead singers Peter Fox and Frank Dalle. After our sets, he’d offer a nod, barely noticeable, which we were told was the height of praise and rarely given. To a young band finding their feet, it meant everything.  

I spent this morning reaching out to members of the band and crew. They’re having a rough time. Maybe, on their behalf, call a loved one or friend today and, I dunno, just let them know you’re there. That goes a lot further than we realize.

Here’s a link to Seeed’s set from Lollapalooza in Berlin, 2015. What a band.

Tired of Losing

Another 1 take video for ya! 

Here's a tune of mine called "Tired of Losing." Watch the video, if you like. Lyrics below...

the symptoms will fall away in time
’til then, I will live alone
and I heard every world you said
I still don’t know the half of it

I’m ready for change
I’m tired of losing
I’m ready for second chances
no new romances

I’m ready to turn the page
no longer a prisoner to your hypocrite smile
eager to act my age and grow stronger
you tantrum like a petulant child

I’m ready for change
I’m tired of losing
I’m ready for second chances
no new romances

when I was afloat, you were my anchor
now you’re drowning a friend

Nebulous Crustaceans

It made me so happy having Greg Ehrlich back in the band for BottleRock. He’s crushing the game at a fancy merch company these days, cashing regular pay checks and sleeping eight hours a night, the rat bastard. He's right where he needs to be, I know, but goddammit do I miss the Great Man.

Greg’s the heart and soul of the band, always was and will be. Throughout our BottleRock set, I’d look over at Greg stank-facing triumphantly and remember back to 2013 when, during a day off in Dusseldorf, he and I posted up at a posh beer garden, singing exuberantly while knocking back about 20 lagers each with German salarymen similarly pickling their livers. Or scarfing down nebulous crustaceans at a dingy Balinese food shack in 2015, flicking cockroaches off bottles of luke-warm Coke, stray cats negotiating shrilly at our feet for table scraps. Or that time at the Gorge, opening for the Dave Matthew’s Band, when Greg and Jay posed for this picture.

For years, Greg Ehrlich, Brent Rusinow and Mark Sampson graced the Allen Stone project with their talent and hilarity. They gifted indelible memories. It's preposterous how lucky I am to call them brothers-in-arms, and I wish them every triumph in their new chapters. I promise I'll keep fighting the good fight, Peter Pan-ing around, in search of less nebulous crustaceans.   

Murderous Cyborgs

Episode 4 of Trevor Larkin Talks and Listens is live, a fun Q&A session with the podcast’s producer/videographer, Trey McDermott. It’s a stellar chat, check it out.

BottleRock was a blast, btw. It’s awesome catching up with friends (the Lake Street Dive crew, this time around), and if you can’t get down at a Bruno Mars gig, well, you're clearly a murderous cyborg. Such a concentrated talent pool's inspiring, and my big take away's that I’ve been coasting. More aptly, I’ve been doing a good job following through - writing this everyday, the weekly one take videos, and now the podcast - but the simple act of doing the things I said I was going to do isn’t enough. I feel like what used to be my max effort’s now, like, 65%. Hopefully that’s evolution, or maybe I wasn’t pushing hard enough in the first place. 

Either way, moving forward, I’m placing a premium on focus. Step 1) my goddamn telephone. Just because my phone’s going off like a rigged carnival game doesn’t mean anything’s actually happening. As of today, the ol’ pocket computer makes no audible noise. I keep it face down so I can’t see the screen light up. When I install new apps, I disable notifications. Life will go on if I don’t respond to texts immediately. Rediscovering comfort in silence and focus needs to happen. 

But keep posting pics of your adorable puppies. I'll see 'em eventually. I'm not, after all, a murderous cyborg.  

Garish Trousers

I'm back at DFW again, en route to Nashville from Napa, tired but not delirious post-BottleRock, having enjoyed many a glass of fermented grape juice but keeping things disappointingly PG. Being a sensible young man in his 30's makes for lack-luster newsletter reading, and a festival recap can wait 'til my fragile soul's enjoyed eight hours sleep. So, instead, here's a shot of my man crush Brandon Flowers - the Killers are festival mainstays and headlined BottleRock the day before we arrived. That suit, ladies and gentlemen. I have lots to learn about rock stardom. Step 1 - garish trousers. Really, that should be Step 1 for anything.

Bits of Glow Stick

Thanks for indulging my being (hopefully) entertainingly cantankerous yesterday, just a touch of travel fatigue coupled with one too many snarls from TSA agents. 

Here I am! In Napa…well, I suppose Fairfield, CA more accurately, writing this just before hopping on an early shuttle to BottleRock. Whenever possible, I like showing up with our crew, usually an hour or two before the festival opens, just to experience the calm before the storm, maybe walk the grounds before they’re covered in biodegradable cups and bits of glow stick. Caught up in the whirlwind of multitudinous backstage schmooze, it can be difficult connecting with everything that goes into putting an event like BottleRock together, and it’s important I appreciate what everyone’s job is, what their day looks like and, in turn, how I can make their life a little easier. 

Usually, this means staying out of people’s way, but every once in a while I sneak a “how does this work?” or something in there. Learning about light rigging’s interesting, yes, but more so I appreciate my perspective being fine tuned. A successful festival’s every bit a symbiotic relationship, and if my part’s cranking up terrifyingly loud and beating the ever-loving dickens out of a guitar, well, that’s exactly what I’m going to do. Somehow, I've conned the universe into allowing me to wear a hat and smile at keyboard players for a living, and I want to do right by everyone working their asses off in real trades. I mean, if my car breaks down, I can play Stairway to Heave at it, and that's about it.

Our set’s being live streamed tonight at 6:45pm PST, check out BottleRock’s website. 

DFW

I’m writing this from the international terminal at the Dallas/Ft Worth International Airport. I’m not flying anywhere exotic, unless you count the tofu-fueled lefty weirdos in San Francisco exotic, but I do always head to the international terminal whenever connecting through DFW, which is all the time. 

It angers me how well I know this airport. Today, as I’m bumping along in the Skylink en route to said international terminal, I say out loud to no one in particular, “Jesus Christ, I know this goddamn airport better than the place I’m legally obligated to serve jury duty.” I hate that I know the grilled salmon at Wolfgang Puck’s money grab in Terminal D’s the best on offer. I hate that I know the international terminal’s exponentially more chill than its domestic counterparts, which is why I’m here, writing this thing, at the same fucking powering station, the same stool in fact, where I always sit, twice a month (on average) for the past however many years. I hate that I’m so transparently privilaged and officially THAT asshole - sipping a five dollar coffee while fingers that’ve never known real work tappity-tap one percenter lamentations into unnessary existence. Sigh. 

But I do like what’s in my current line of sight - 7 Eleven. How does the saying go? High fructose corn syrup hath charms to soothe the savage beast? Guy Fieri said that, I think.  

Anyway. BottleRock Festival tomorrow in Napa, first big rock show in a while. Looking forward to enjoying a little vino and having Ryan "Bear" Drozd tell me what to do.  

Come Say Hi

I came across this shot the other day from our first time playing Berlin (Germany, not New Hampshire). January-ish 2013. Shoutout to Sister Sparrow and the Dirty Birds for being stellar humans and designing artsy-yet-wearable merch.

I miss just, well, hanging. As a band gets bigger, there’re more barriers between you and the audience. Theaters have a different layout than clubs, and by the time I’ve decompressed for a few minutes, the crowd’s already emptied into the lobby, funneled by venue staff towards the merch booth and (more significantly) the bar. And, I gotta be honest, backstage is sweet. There’s free booze (!), showers with stellar water pressure, gummy candy and a whole lotta well-earned quiet. I've probably already changed into my robe.   

But I’m hyper conscious of slipping into tour zombie mode - the same shit every day, leading to homesickness and burnout. It's an insidious deal, but I'm a more wily swine these days. I’m beyond lucky to live the surreal life I do, and getting back into the habit of meeting as many fans as possible feels right. I miss the energy, conversations and perspective.

So, come say hi, I'd love to meet you.  

Stranded On An Island

Another 1 take video for ya!

Ross Livermore sang BGV's on the studio version of Stranded On An Island, so when he stopped by for a podcast it seemed appropriate I put him on the spot and have him belt out some high notes. After this take, Ross's comment was "well, that was a lose one," which really is the whole point.

I hope you guys enjoy these songs and performances, and the strides I'm making in overcoming perfectionism and do-nothingism are profound. It's funny how the tiniest thing can be the catalyst for so much positive change in one's life. I'm super stoked on a whole lot right now, which is a big statement from a kid raised on Black Adder and steamed vegetables.  

The studio version features Grammy-worthy production by Jeremy Hatcher and Griffin Wright's Dave Grohl-esque drum ferociousness. Check it out here.

Here's a link to the video, and lyrics below...

Stranded on an island where I’m taught to behave like
a spoiled little rich kid with the cash to obey
mother and her ashtray dying slow in the porch light
daddy and his bottle rot alone in their grave

and I know, now, what it is
I see the movement coming down
and I don’t want to go

you’d give a little guidance if I’d just learn to listen
maybe ‘cause you’re tone deaf to the song in my soul
I never thought to ask you why I’m left here to linger
I’m never going to follow, I’ll never go where you go

and I know, now, what it is
I see the movement coming down
and I don’t want to go

slow down, moon lit wanderer, won’t you please break me out
slow down, fly no further, please come break me out

Distracted Driving

On my way to the trusty Red Bicycle to write today’s newsletter, I was run off the road and into a drainage ditch by a driver who veered into oncoming traffic. I’m totally fine, my trusty 2003 Toyota Corolla’s just peachy, and I suppose to their credit the driver stopped to see if I was alright. I’m so, so, sorry, she said. I was texting my friend.

Again, I’m totally fine. If anything, it’s made me appreciate how many times I’ve been that person, glancing at a text, changing songs on Spotify, realizing I’ve driven for blocks without really paying attention. We’ve all been there.

As satisfying as it is thinking I’m some influential world figure, I am, in fact, just some schmo. There’s nothing happening in my life that requires checking my phone while driving, and even if there arguably were, those assholes can wait 15 minutes. And track three on Joy Division’s first record’s plenty ok. No need to skip it. Just drive the damn car. 

For the foreseeable future, my phone's remaining in my pocket when I’m behind the wheel. I encourage everyone to do the same.  

Doom

I spent a few months in my youth playing Wordtris on Super Nintendo. Needless to say, video games didn’t stick and consequently aren’t my go-to when it comes to new music. But a friend turned me onto the Doom video game soundtrack recently, and it's BRUTAL. Crank up BFG Division. Devil horns times a thousand. And I know bespectacled ol’ me throwing around 20 Ib dumbells to music from a first-person shooter isn’t exactly Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, but the soundtrack's my current gym playlist (for what that's worth).

Here's a link to a presentation by Doom composer, Mick Gordon. I know next to nothing about advanced production techniques and found the talk fascinating, a neat peak behind the curtain into a musical world I’m only peripherally connected to.

There’s also plenty of entry level geekdom (I'm inspired to mess around with signal chains and bowed guitar, for example) and valuable insight on optimizing one's creative environment. And, of course, it's ripe with nerd-gasmic fun. The maniac embedded “666” and pentagrams into the soundtrack’s spectrograph, for god’s sake.

Anyway, this has been a fun compliment to my working up Allen Stone material for BottleRock. Enjoy!

Episode 3

Episode 3 of Trevor Larkin Talks and Listens is live!

Ross Livermore is a fantastic songwriter and LUDICROUS singer. He and I’ve been paling around these past few months playing solo shows, and this conversation’s a natural extension of our hours spent shooting the breeze in his Honda Element, en route to Cleveland. Ross is hilarious, artistically courageous, and I’m fortunate to call him a friend. He also hosts his own podcast, Hey World, with episode 6 featuring a certain bespectacled, daily email newsletter author.

Talking on the internet's starting to feel natural again, excited to see how this show evolves.

I Don't Need Your Cleverness

I love people who don’t take themselves too seriously. That perfectly timed one-liner, aligning expectations appropriately, gaining points for modesty, not being an over-eager sonofabitch? If you can’t laugh at yourself, what’s the point, right?

Except when it goes too far. As a person raised on Black Adder and Monty Python, self-deprecation’s as natural as breathing. I’ve accepted there’s a certain amount of me that's made of tweed, and my “no matter what I do, I’ll always look like an accountant” line seems to land more often than not. 

But self-deprecation’s counterproductive in an obvious way: people might actually start believing you. 

A few weeks ago, someone came up to me post-show in Chicago and said, “You know, I really enjoy your songs. You’re good. Quit putting yourself down and tell your story. I don’t need your cleverness.” I don’t need your cleverness?! Jesus Christ. In my mind, of course, I was quick to take up arms, but it eventually sunk in that I, too, was over it. I mean, I’m not low on self-esteem, and if my schtick’s taking away from the songs, well, that’s the opposite of what I’m going for. 

Self-deprecation can morph into self-sabotage if we’re not careful. So, I’m working on it. It’ll be a long road, and I won’t abandon fully my stiff-upper-lip heritage, but there’s balance to be struck. 

Gurgling Brooks

I woke up this morning with serious “me” overload. I mean, I write this thing every day (it’s called the Mind of a Trevor, for god’s sake), the Trevor Larkin Talks and Listens show’s a whole lotta me talking about stuff that’s interesting to, well, me, and I’m releasing songs every week written by me and performed (by me) in the most vulnerable way possible. Me, me, me, me. Enough already. 

After burning the ever-loving christ out of my coffee (my bedside coffee maker’s caput), I decided to take the day off - run a few errands, head down to Leiper’s Fork for a utility burger at Country Boy, maybe read the Shipping News on a weathered bench perched above a gurgling brook. Delightful, no? On my way, I swung through Franklin to be a fly on the wall at my friend and guitar student Sam Krahe’s recording session. His band, Lights and Letters, is putting out stellar vibes - the track I heard channels Synchronicity era Police and mid-80’s Peter Gabriel - and I was super impressed by Sam’s tones and textures. And, ignoring my legitimate concern that they hadn’t put toilet paper in the freezer, they went full Nashville with the hot chicken from Bolton’s. Enjoy the porcelain time, my friends.  

I forget how important it is to recharge. It’s hard as an independent artist - minuscule budgets require us to wear multiple hats, and taking a break is counterintuitive in a culture that programs us to believe any amount of time not spent at the red line results in an elephant graveyard of broken dreams.

I’m grateful I spent today celebrating friends. And check out Country Boy in Leiper's Fork. Their utility burger is, in fact, righteous.  

Thanks, Dave Grohl

Whenever I’m feeling down about the music biz or doubting whether I’m, as South Bostonians might put it, a “decent shit,” I turn to Dave Grohl. The man’s unwavering enthusiasm is infectious, and while his life’s no doubt complicated in the ways unique to people worth 200 million smackers, his prevailing ethos is crystal clear and universal - form a band with your friends, don’t take yourself (and therefore life) too seriously, and if you just start doing stuff the universe has a way of unveiling the prize at the end of the road.

And pound back gallons of Jagermeister. Dave and I might deviate on this particular point, but with everything else I’m right in line.  

I just finished watching this Dave Grohl interview with Lars Ulrich, and it’s predictably fantastic. I mean, just the fact that the Foo Fighters are so successful there’s a generation of fans who don’t realize Grohl was the drummer for freaking NIRVANA…

Anyway, Dave Grohl interviews on YouTube are a delightful rabbit hole worth exploring, whether you’re a seasoned pro who’s seen too much, an exuberant upstart trying to yank Excalibur outta that pesky stone, or really anyone looking for a role model as to how this crazy thing’s done. 

All This Foolish Hurt

Another 1 take video for ya! 

Here's a song I wrote called "All This Foolish Hurt," thanks again to Josh Dawn for hanging out and strumming some geetar.  

The interesting thing about these daily/weekly accountability exercises is you don't notice a huge disposition change right out of the gate. In the moment, week or even month, you might even feel discouraged (I often do). But the cumulative effect's profound - after years of over-thinking and benign self-sabotage, I'm now getting projects out into the world and letting the universe dictate momentum. It feels good, and about goddamn time.  

Here's a link to the video, and lyrics below...

I was so wild, I’d lose myself out there
I was a broken hearted symptom of despair
if there was a moment where I could change my world
and hide away from all this foolish hurt
go up and away
up and away, fly
up and away, fly higher

Angel, you must promise me
that, when you see the things I’ve seen
you won’t ever need to feel alone
If you don’t want two, there’s nothing wrong with one
be worry free and have some fun
but know that heartbreak’s where the soul will grow

out of denial, I spread my cautious wings
content that I knew nothing about almost everything
I made a conclusion, I’m tired of looking down
I have no greed, I do not need that treasure underground
go up and away
up and away, fly
up and away, fly higher

You can hide for only so long
before the soullessness calls
and the game’s put on pause
you can cry out into the night
but there’s no guarantee
the friend that you need will be me

Thanks, Bono

“The thing about good ideas is they get better by themselves.”

I think Bono may have said this, which means I’m quoting Bono. Jesus Chirst.

But many a profundity’s come from tiny Irish dudes, and I gotta say Mr. Hewson’s onto something.

A common question during Monday’s panel at MusicBiz2018 was “how do I recognize the right thing to do?” The marketing dude, after all, is assuring you that marketing’s the answer and therefore so is insert arbitrary metric. The touring guru is throwing all those sorta numbers around, and everyone else can go shit in a field. Who’s right, who’s wrong, and which data matters? 

What I do know is when you stumble upon something that’s undeniably you, and unique and powerful therein, it’s impossible keeping that idea on the back burner for very long. A great idea seldom follows the epiphanic script you've laid out all meticulous n' shit, and before you know it awesome people are pulled into it's orbit, kindred spirits who scrutinize your every creative step, reminding you that you’re a douchebag, albeit a lovable one. You're inundated by their legendary chants. "When're you putting it out?" "When're you booking a show?" "Fucking COME ON already!" When these people are excited, you've struck gold.

The business is really easy, and the analytics useful, when the idea's in control and the art's honest. As entrepreneurial musician types, let's hold ourselves accountable to sucking publicly, chasing rabbits down various holes and not being afraid to quote diminutive Irishmen.  

We're All In This Together

I moderated a panel yesterday at MusicBiz 2018, it was lots of fun!

Musicians have a tough time speaking at events like these. Jesus, I’m barely clinging on for dear life, most successes feel like flukes, and you’re asking me to be an “expert”? On what? Frozen pizza consumption while questioning the existence of God? 

Whenever I relapse into this mindset, I remind myself of advice I give prospective music college students: you’re not supposed to know everything. You’re a student, for god’s sake. So, relax, ask questions, be receptive and share. When you're content walking into rooms as just some schmuck - albeit an intellectually curious one - well, you’ve arrived. Character unlocked.  

While addressing a room filled with a couple hundred people yesterday, it mercifully occurred to me it’s not my job to blow minds, but rather just share what I know, however humble. 

I spoke about how, in the early days, if the Allen project had known anything about touring, the business, etc, we never would’ve left the parking lot. How we only learned what the “right questions” were by putting ourselves out there, perhaps recklessly so, running the trial and error gauntlet time and time again. That I make business decisions based entirely on a) how much fun I’m going to have and b) the sense of humor of the people I’m working with. I spoke about how I’m a solitary dude, that it’s easy for me to go weeks without seeing another human being, and as artists we should never, ever do that. Reach out, ask questions, collaborate, and in doing so you’ll learn how to vet thoroughly the gremlin voices in your head. 

I spoke about how every person in this room had a bad day recently they can’t shake, and that’s ok. Maybe we should acknowledge it rather than hide beneath veneers of…what, exactly? We’re all in this together, and isn’t that what this conference is all about? As you can imagine, I kinda rambled on, and while the room seemed to be with me I was afraid I’d gone too far off script. Afterwards, though, dozens of people came up to me, saying how cool it was hearing a panelist give the green light to embracing imperfection. 

I’m writing this on a gorgeous morning in my backyard at 8:13am, in every way overwhelmed and, on good days, excited by new chapters and shifting landscapes in my life. It's comforting knowing I’m not alone.